high time

it's not the end. it's a new beginning.

deceptive

i had my guidance tests interpreted today. the guidance councilor said that i was a man of deception. she said that i have fronts to cover up the complexity inside of me that others cannot understand. she also told me that i was in a lot of pain. my five stories, varied and creative as they were, centered around the two themes.

at first, i thought she was right. yeah. even those were tests that i took several years ago, i think it still holds well. i don't think anyone ever really understood me. that's why i liked starry, starry night. i can relate to the song very well. like jesus and van gogh, they weren't really appreciated when they were around. only upon their deaths were they recognized and given due credit.

van gogh? yeah, i think i can be creative when i want to. i think i can do anything that i want to do, although i might express it in supranatural ways.

jesus? messianic complex? not at all. benevolence, possibly.

to live a life unnoticed. that must be so sad. it feels bad to be alone.

earlier, i told my counselor about most of my thoughts. it felt weird talking to her about so many things i had in mind and in heart. however, it felt good to spill all my beans and guts on her. it really feels good when people listen to me.

and guess what? her psychological interpretations were right. without me telling her, she was able to tell me everything that i was thinking of. she was able to see beyond the words and really strike at the essence of my short stories that were interpreted.

i don't know if she had a magic spell, clairvoyant, a seer, or was just a damn good psychologist. nobody ever understood me as good as her. is it because of her uncanny ability to be vague and ambiguous? no... i don't think so. she was so specific with her thoughts that it was impossible for her to be doing some jedi mind tricks on me.

but what really made my day was when she asked me about my work. wow. what a compliment. it's not about her recognition of my fast-paced and active lifestyle that made me happy, rather it was how she sincerely remembered me. i wasn't a statistic. for her, i was r-jay. i was me.

wow. that was so nice to hear. it feels good to have a witness of who you are.

hmm... but being objective of the situation. did i hear what i had to hear? or just what i wanted to hear?

too tired to think about it, i shall dwell on it at neverland.

2006

2005 was one of the most action-packed year of my life so far. lost a lot this year, but looking at the bright side, i learned a lot from it. life is what we make out of it.

2006 will be another year. to welcome the new year, i got myself a new wallet. old marithe gave up on me already. but since i liked the sturdiness of their product line, i got myself another one. if life is what we make out of it, then let me reflect upon my new wallet's significance.

Rj: hello wallet.

Wallet: hi rj.

R: you look good.

W: of course i do.

R: but looks aren't everything. do you think you'll be able to handle my needs for the next chapter of my life?

W: well, i don't know about the future, but i'm sure my product line shows a spectacular history right?

R: i guess you wouldn't be one of the best and famous wallets out there for nothing, would you?

W: i hope so. but different wallets are there for different purposes. what do you need right now?

R: i don't know. i kinda liked the 3-fold wallet. i can easily arrange my money into three sections. very good for segregating my money for home, school and personal use.

W: hmm... i don't think i'll be as flexible, being a no-fold wallet. but i do have more pockets than the previous one that you got! think about it. as you graduate, i guess you'll be having more calling and business cards to lug around. i could easily handle them for you.

R: wow, i never thought of that. but you don't have a coin purse! how would i be able to handle my coins?

W: that's a good one. it is quite hard to live without coins in this time and age. but think about it. do you really want to carry around coins? i mean, with your upcoming line of work, can't you bring another coin purse to handle your other needs?

R: i have been trying to learn about flexibility. maybe i should try living without coins. however, i must protest, i think you'll get me into trouble by not having coins for me. sooner or later, i think you'll have to learn how to carry coins.

W: sheesh. that's something for the future. let it take care of itself. for now, look at what i can offer to you.

R: i guess you're right. i've never fancied carrying coins around anyway. especially now! i've decided to start my P5 coin bank again. it will be filled with nothing but P5 and P10 coins! i reckon that will save me a lot of money by sanctifying my P5 and P10 coins.

W: yes! good thinking! and in the end, while you might not have been lugging all those coins around, we can change them into bills! something more useful and appropriate for us.

R: wow. i'm beginning to like you even more by the second.

W: why, thank you!

R: how much for this wallet?... ok, here you go, thank you mam

W: thanks for getting me. i promise we'll have a fun and wonderful time together.

R: we should! life is what we make of it. now let me move my stuff from my old wallet to you. this is my license to drive and get to places i want to go. can i trust you with this?

W: of course! i promise to keep this license so that you can keep going to places you want and need to get to. it doesn't matter whether it's a good place or a bad place. i know tbat in the end, it will be for the better.

R: thanks for having faith in me. i haven't used this in a while. but it's good in case of emergency. it's my passport to my other friends. you wouldn't mind if i share this with you?

W: no problem. your friends are my friends.

R: and books! of course i love books. can't get enough of them.

W: as long as it helps you, i'm with you.

R: hmm... what would you know. serendipity does seem to strike at the most appropriate time doesn't it? rockwell's dulcinea sure knows how to pack a nutrasweet pouch that can last through the years.

W: why, what's that?

R: nothing... jusr a reminder of something good in my past.

W: i can keep it for you! can i?

R: ... nah. this pouch stays with the old wallet. i'd like to keep some things the way they are. even though i won't be able to use the old wallet anymore, i hope you don't mind if some stuff remain where they are.

W: ... ok.

R: hai. moving on... let's move on. what's next? oh, my graduation picture from high school! dang. doesn't fit well. no matter. let's just put in my id. that should fill the void.

W: of course. we really can't have everything in this world, can't we?

R: yep. i realized that in that picture slot, one has to choose between their identification card and a special person's picture. unless you have the right kind of picture, you will either lose your identity or lose that person in the picture.

W: hmm... that's sad. why don't you carry around two wallets?

R: no, it's life. in addition, it wouldn't really be pracitcal to carry two wallets around. one has to make a decision.

W: well, if you really like your old wallet too much, why don't you have it fixed? you seem to have the capability to fix it.

R: i don't know. i guess this old wallet would be happier if i left it like that already. who am i to take away this wallet's happiness? it has done its job well and deserves some respect and rest. no matter, i like what you can do for me too.

W: but wouldn't that be unfair to both of us wallets if you haven't really decided properly on it?

R: heh. we'll see how it works out. as i've told my old wallet, nothing is impossible.

W: ok.

R: and lastly, for my finances. looks and words really can't keep us alive, can it? there has to be something real, useful and tangible to prove one's usefulness in such commitment.

W: sure. let me take care of those.

R: wouldn't you know. here we are. welcome to your new home.

W: hai!

life is what we make of it.

there are no wrong decisions, there are no mistakes in life. there are only lessons that we refuse to learn.

hello 2006.

bye bye belinda

Little boy blue lost his shoe
One day paddling in the water
He cried and he cried and he realized
That its more fun to run without shoes

swooooooooooooooooooooosh!

i really need a new hard disk. pldt just updated my bandwidth. from 80 kilobytes per second, i'm now packing 100 kilobytes per second! on a good burst, i can get as much as 120!

swooooooooooooooooooooosh!

or not really a new hard disk.

maybe a file server will do the trick.

hrmm... think about it. 4 possible physical drives each with a 500gb hard disk... that would be two terabytes!!!! enough to last me a life time! woooooooow! (or at least eighteen months)*

but let's stick to reality. that would be too expensive. maybe two 250gb hard disks for the moment. hrmm... half a terabyte... that might be enough...

but no good opinion is without a bad comment. so there, yes, i know it will suck big time if a hard disk fails on me and goes to hard-drive heaven with all my files...

but that's why there's raid! hrmm... let's see... to stripe or not to stripe, that is the question...

swooooooooooooooooooooooooosh!!!

hrmm... how about a hard-drive tray? the interface with a key and lock that fits perfectly well on one of your cd-rom racks. yeah, that would be cheaper. hmm... yes, yes, it's getting clearer by the moment... hrmm...

swooooooooooooooooooooooooosh!!!

reflections of a bored student

5:35 pm

that means i still have an hour and forty to waste before i get out of class. i am sitting in at a decision support system class. interesting topic and class, i have to confess. but my mind can only stand so much

5.41 pm

time flies when you're having fun, i've long learned. and everytime it happens, it doesn't seem to make a difference. first minute, you're just starting to do it, the next minute you know, the fun's over.

making a decision model regarding system dynamics in hiring chains for a corporation.

5.45

i miss my quaker oats. i wasn't able to eat my oats this morning because i was so hungry. therefore, i had the normal breakfast meal of sunny-side up egg and tuna with some rice. i will have my choco-oats tonight. after a reading or two, as a reward.

5.50

libogia can't seem to do anything right. bored people say a lot of foolish things http://libogia.blogspot.com

6.00

yahooo! 10 minute break!

retards

do i have to do everything?

it gets quite tiring after some time, damn it.

i might not have such patience all the time.

might lady luck shine on you when i unleash my ire.